expressions.

be soft. do not let the world make you hard. do not let the pain make you hate. do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

“

today i found out exactly how much i owe in student loans. i have no plans after graduating this summer.. no job lined up… no money saved up….. not even a place to stay. and let’s not get into the series of bad decisions i’ve made over the course of this semester that have left me indebted to the entire world! on top of all that, my car is slowly failing me. the amount of repairs needed to make the car even legal to drive is something that i hate thinking about. people keep telling me that everything is going to be okay and not to let these things get to me but it’s really getting hard. i’m generally a positive person, but lately i really have been feeling like just giving up. it seems like every aspect of my life is falling apart right now and the only advice i’ve been given is to suck it up because “that’s life.” ………if this is what i have to look forward to for the rest of me life……. well… i’m not sure that i want to even try anymore.

I’m not most afraid of failing…. Or of not meeting expectations….. I’m not afraid of not being successful according to this world’s standards…. What scares me the most right now is the fact that each day I wake up I care less and less. I’m terrified at the thought of one day waking up and just giving up on life. It’s so hard… And people really don’t care. I don’t need money or clothes of gifts or any other kind of materialistic things…. I just need affection and genuine concern. It gives me something to wake up for. It fuels me to get through my day. Little words of encouragement or acts of kindness such as a hug or kind words. People don’t do that anymore. They’re sooo caught up and concerned with what they’ve got going on that they forget or don’t care about the people around them. I can’t live in a word like that. Love is my fuel of choice and my tank is on E.

I first made my tumblr.account while in a depression. Quoting songs that described my emotion or writing about how I was feeling at the time really helped me. I guess it was a form of catharsis. I was too proud to talk to anyone about it…. So I talked to tumblr. I feel myself falling into another depression…. At least I have tumblr to lean on.

i feel like walking in front of a bus… or falling off of a cliff.

I think that at the end of the day I just want someone to care. I care so much about the well-being of others…. Especially people that I’m close to. I put in so much effort into making sure everyone is taken care of…. That everyone is happy and feels loved…. And appreciated. I just want one person who loves me enough to make me feel that way too… Male… Female… Friend… Family….. I’m not picky about what form it comes in…… I just want somebody to care.

i honestly wish i was one of those girls who was super girly and liked to accessorize and dress up and wear heels and what not… but i can’t make myself do it. i don’t know why… i’ve tried and it never ends up working out. all of that seems like such a chore to me. i’ve been called “plain” a million times… and although i always brush it off and act like it doesn’t bother me… it kind of does. don’t get me wrong… i am by no means insecure with myself…. and it doesn’t affect my self esteem…. it just kind of bothers me. i guess because i feel like i can’t do anything about it. i’m comfortable with who i am but i feel like this is one area that i could use some improvement in. being a tomboy was cute in middle school and acceptable in high school but i’m getting to the age now where i need to do something about it. i look around at all the other women around me as i go to my internship and i realize that i definitely stand out… and not in a good way. it’s time for me to get a little more professional.. i just don’t know how to do it.

sigh.

when it rains…

i don’t mind being lonely. i cry right along with the sky. when it rains, i don’t pretend to be happy. i don’t even have to try because when it rains some people get down. they’re sporting a frown, so i fit right in. yea, the sun may brighten your day but if i had my way, i’d take the rain.

you do not have the right to look down your nose at anybody. you are no better than whoever you are trying to preach to. we have all sinned and fallen short of His glory; therefore, no one of us is better than the other. just because you may feel as though your sins aren’t as bad as someone else’s doesn’t give you the right to judge them; in God’s eyes a sin is a sin.. there is no hierarchy of wrongs. to speak more on the topic, i get especially irritated when these “holy rollers,” themselves, are blatantly doing things directly against the word of God. so, on top of offering a condescending delivery, you are also preaching about a way of life that you don’t even abide by. people will often look at your actions and lifestyle before they listen to what you have to say. they want to make sure everything is lining up… this is even more true if you are speaking on religion. i hate when people try to shove religion down other people’s throat by making themselves out to be oh so high and mighty. the one human being who actually had the right to do that didn’t even do it.. so what makes you think that you can? Jesus spoke frequently about the pharisees and their illusory superiority. He made it clear that we need not place ourselves in too lofty of a position while spreading His word. therefore, instead of occupying yourself with judging others, i suggest that you pick up a bible and reexamine yourself first. all of this being said, if you are going to speak about God’s love…. make sure it’s demonstrated through your delivery…. furthermore, please refrain from proselytizing when you are openly living out of God’s will… there’s nothing worst than a “holy” hypocrite.

“

—	ellipsis: if you are not going to share the gospel in love then you just don’t need to share it at all.

no one gets me like you, when you kiss me… boy, you rock me harder than some downtown band. i thought i knew what love was but i didn’t have a clue. i’ve never had anything make me feel the way i feel about you.